Sweet friends

I have mentioned this many times already, but it's when you are on a journey like this that you realize who your true friends are. The friends who fight for you. The friends who pray for you, and over you. The friends who walk the journey with you and are engaged in each doctor's appointment, each test, and each step of the way.

I received this email from a friend on Mother's Day and was taken back with tears, so I wanted to share as I'll probably never forget her acknowledging me on Mother's Day.

My heart is brimming with love for you and hope for you today, on Mother's Day, a day that if there were no sin and effects of brokenness in our world, you would be celebrating already. And yet, sin demanded our savior, and He is so good!
I'm thinking today about the blessings he has already poured into your life, the amazing godly man that He brought into your life to love and serve you well, the means He gave you to travel (yay for Mexico!!), the friendships He has ordained, like ours. The Lord is so good, and you are living joyfully and praying continually to Christ, and He will bless you!
I know that with Christ everything is possible. And that He wants every good and perfect thing for you and CJ. I am praying today that he overwhelms you with His goodness and faithfulness, that He brings to you floods of memories about His blessings to you, and that for today His love for you would fill you so completely that it would be enough. That you would not yearn or feel disheartened today. He is faithful. He is good. And a day is soon coming that our bodies will be healed and restored, and He does not withhold all restoration from us here on earth. In fact, we start to taste that redemption now. Would He strengthen you, embolden you, and wrap His arms around you today to take on this Mother's Day with joy and singing, knowing His plans for you, to prosper you and make His name great.
I love you dearly, friend. Enjoy your beautiful day in Mexico with your love.

Mother's Day

Tomorrow is Mother's Day. A fun day of celebration for moms. However, I feel like for most infertiles, this is not a good day.

I'm going to take a different approach, because I do enjoy this day! I enjoy getting to celebrate my mom, both of my sis-in-laws, my friends who are moms, and my infertile blog friends who have recently announced they will be moms too.

I love kids. Duh. I've realized that if we never have kids of our own (which we strongly believe won't be the case), that we are just so blessed as it is. We have way too many positive things in our lives, to focus on the negative. And, if God didn't put us on this earth to be parents, I know He has other purposes for us. I don't believe it is to reflect on the negative. We have so many other kids that we get to love on while we wait for our own! And, what a blessing they are! To think - they were formed in God's hands by one sperm and one egg! It now makes since how each kid is such a miracle. I would not have realized that if we weren't on this journey. One of my friends recently got pregnant, even while using protection. Annoying, right? Wrong! I think it just proves that God will make it happen in HIS timing. He is just that amazing.

So while we wait we will continue to work in the nursery at church and babysit little kids of single moms. We will spend time with our nieces and nephews (although this doesn't happen enough). Ee get to hold an play with our friends kids. And, we get to see all the sweet faces of friends on Facebook and rejoice with those announcing new births, birthdays, and other milestones over their children. Are these kids ours? no! But, I've just realized how much each kid is such a blessing, and if we can't have them for ourselves right now, I'm so glad that most of my friends and family members can! Praise God for all the little tikes and praise God for all the awesome moms out there. I know it can't be easy. I'm exhausted after an hour of babysitting so I'm not sure how that will translate into a full-time job.

So, to all you mom's, Happy Mother's Day, to all the mom's to be, so excited for you all too, and to others who are desiring to be mom's, my prayer for you is that you would be made fertile and will be a mom soon as well, but while you wait you would join me on focusing in finding contentment in all the blessings that we have already been given.

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry,whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:11-13

Health Updates, CD 6 & Adios

Health Updates
It's been awhile since I've made an update about acupuncture or our lifestyle changes. I can't believe it's already been 4 months. Some exciting updates:

• For the past two cycles my menstrual cramps have been around a 2 or 3 on a scale of 10. That's a crazy change from the "8 or 9, miserable, I have to wake up C.J. in the middle of the night because I'm in so much pain" cramps. The same awful cramps I've had month after month, year after year.
• Finally, my follicular phase BBT temps are over 96.5, most of them near 97!!! They have always been super low and I've been excited to see them slowly increase!
• As I mentioned before, I have only had a handful of headaches over the past 4 months, compared to the 3-4 I used to have a week.
• Still no allergies for either C.J. or I!

We just completed our initial 12 sessions of acupuncture, but we are going to keep going. I love our RA and she has totally joined us on this journey. It's nice to see how much she cares and is fighting with us! Instead of taking all the vitamins, we have limited what we are taking and introduced herbs instead.

CD7
Today is CD7, which means I could have done the HSG this week (AF came early). My ob said to go ahead and get it done before I leave, but a little light bulb went off that due to my colposcopy procedure I'm not allowed to have anything inserted in me (for lack of better word) for a month! My ob was glad I remembered and we will just stick to the plan of waiting until June. I still need to check to see if insurance covers any of it (doubtful) and how much it will be before I proceed with getting it done.

Adios
And on that note.. Adios! We are leaving for Mexico tomorrow for a 6 day date! We are looking forward to lots of rest and quality time together! If you want to see an abundance of pictures of food and drinks and beach you can stalk me on instagram or facebook! And, if you have any good sermon recommendations, please send them my way. Although I haven't posted one in awhile, I've completely exhausted all sermons from my favorite churches and I would love new pastors to listen to!

Memory Monday - Week 4

I have always loved this verse. This is God’s provision to Paul during a trial, which he considered 'a thorn in his flesh'. In verses 7 - 8, it says Paul prayed for a miracle three times. But, instead of God removing the thorn from his life, he gave him the strength to endure it. It's probably not the answer Paul wanted, but later he realizes that when he is weak, he is strong. And, because of the trial, he built a stronger character, gained humility, and those around him benefited as they saw God's work in his life.

Verse 9 starts off with...My grace is sufficient for you... God gave Paul strength by granting Paul grace. It would be enough grace to meet every one of Paul's needs. A grace that would express God's acceptance and pleasure in him and be available every minute of the day. God did not allow this thorn in the flesh to punish Paul, or to keep him weak for the sake of weakness. God allowed it to show a divine strength in Paul. Through his infirmities, God made Paul completely dependent on His grace and on His strength. Paul’s continued dependence upon God made him stronger than he ever could have been on his own.

He is doing the same thing for us! He gives us grace to get through this trial. He doesn't promise to remove it, but he does promise to demonstrate His power within us. Without Him and His grace I honestly wouldn't get out of bed in the morning. I will fully admit that we are way too weak to handle this on our own, but when we surrender control and pride is when God grants us strength. He gives us a new joy every day. And it's a joy that there is no other way to explain besides giving thanks to Him! For when I am weak, then I am strong!

PS. This verse reminds me of this ridiculously amazing Jesus Calling post that also references the thorn in Paul's flesh.

Healing Service

Last night, C.J. and I attended a church service at a friends' church. The service was focused for those people desiring healing, whether physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, etc

It was a great night of worship, a good message and prayer. I honestly wish there were more opportunities like this as it was a perfect way to spend a Friday night. In the presence of God and worshiping with other believers!

The pastor prayed for healing over C.J. and I. We have done this at our church as well with our elders. I believe the power of prayer is the only way that we will go from being infertile to becoming fertile. It's certainly not just going to happen magically, or by going to see a doctor. It's going to take a complete miracle and the only way miracles happen is by prayer.

Of course, with prayer, God asks that we have faith as well! We don't know when He will make us completely fertile, but we know He will. It might be that we are now, it might be in 3 years, but while we wait, we will continue to trust. If you have the opportunity to attend a service like this, or pray with the elders at your church or just friends or family members in general, I highly recommend it. It's such an awesome and humbling experience.

If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer. - Matthew 21:22

But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord” James 1:6-7.

Is anyone among you in trouble? Let them pray. Is anyone happy? Let them sing songs of praise. Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. - James 5:13-16

Scheduling HSG

I called my RE today to ask about getting an HSG. And, when I say "my" RE, I've only seen him once. It was at our only appointment with him that C.J got a call during the consultation that he would be leaving to move to Georgia for 6 months which put everything on hold.

So, when I called today, they wouldn't let me do the HSG because it had been over 6 months and wanted me to do another consultation. Lame. I really don't want to see the RE right now, just not mentally ready for that, soooo my wonderful co-worker mentioned I should just ask my ob gyn, and sure enough she already sent in the order, wahoo! I love my ob gyn (despite the fact she never has that great of news to report to me). She also mentioned I could get my hormone levels tested whenever I want again! It's the little things that I'm grateful for! And, saving us the expense of of meeting with the RE again is definitely one less thing to worry about.

We will be in Mexico next week during CD 5-9, so I plan on getting the procedure done the following month! I don't even know much about what it is, but I do know it's one more thing we can cross off the list of being a potential problem and I would MUCH rather find out now than another year down the road!

Progesterone Results

I had my blood taken yesterday on CD25 to measure my progesterone. The results are lower than last year at 12.2 (doh). My progesterone has always been low, but since I haven't seen the RE in almost a year, I am not really sure what else this indicates. My doctor did send me a message, via the portal (I love that everything is posted online now) and said it does indicate that I ovulated (which I knew from my bbt chart). I'm wondering if I should reach out to my RE to discuss things again, including maybe getting an HSG done. I don't know a thing about it, but I assume it wouldn't hurt to cross it off the procedure list! Oh the Joys :)

Memory Monday - Week 3

C.J. requested a shorter verse for this week, especially after the tongue twister from last week

There is not much explanation needed for this verse! Nothing is impossible with God! He parted the seas. He fed 5,000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish. He rose Lazarus from the dead. He turned water into wine. He blessed Sarah and Abraham with a baby after waiting 90 years. The same God who performed all those miracles is the same God that can bring healing to both of our bodies and bless us with a child, all in His timing and for His glory!

Colposcopy Results

My doctor finally called me with my results from my Colposcopy. They didn't find any "high-grade" abnormal cells, just the "low-grade" cells that showed up on the pap. Which means no more procedures for now! I have to go every 6 months to make sure the pre-cancerous cells don't turn into cancer and if I get more than 2 normal paps I'm off the hook!!

This is the first time my doctor has called with good news (if you consider good the fact that I only have low grade, instead of high grade, which I do)!!! I'm glad for no procedures and once I heal from this, we can get back to focus on the baby-making!! Good news makes CJ's big 3-0 birthday weekend a lot more fun!!!! Thanks everyone for the prayers and support!

Memory Monday and NIAW

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW). The purpose of NIAW is to raise awareness of infertility.

Unlike a lot of other medical diseases/disorders, infertility is not talked about. I understand it is a very personal issue to deal with, but I'm also reminded that we are not to walk this earth alone. Jesus walked with 12 other disciples for a reason. For support, prayer, encouragement and friendship.

The reason I started this blog was to share our story and encourage others who might be going through a hard time with infertility, depression or any other trial. My hope is that during NIAW there is a big movement and all who suffer from infertility can can find a place for comfort. Whether it's talking to a friend or joining a support group, I believe that no one should have to suffer alone.

I found this verse below perfect to memorize this week. When God comforts us, we receive strength, encouragement, and hope to deal with our struggles. The more that we suffer, the more God brings us comfort. And when we endure trials, God will help us comfort others who are suffering from similar trials. 

So join me in comforting others. Share your story. Hold an event. Educate others. Donate to the cause. Pray for those who are suffering. We are not alone!

Jesus Calling #11

I loved yesterday's Jesus Calling devotional. I started following them on instagram and so now I don't only get to read the daily devotional in the morning, but again when I see the post on my phone. So, if you want to save yourself a few bucks and love these devotions as much as I do, don't buy the book just follow them on instagram @JesusCalling.

This devotion is such a great reminder of how we need praising God in all circumstances. I love the fact that if we could see all the details and what was going on behind the curtain, we would fully understand our trial! But, isn't that what living by faith is all about? We don't know all the details, but we still have to trust that He is Sovereign and He has perfect plans for us.

I am calling you to a life of thankfulness. I want all your moments to be punctuated with thanksgiving. The basis for your gratitude is My sovereignty. I am the Creator and Controller of the universe. Heaven and earth are filled with My glorious Presence.
When you criticize or complain, you are acting as if you think you could run the world better than I do. From your limited human perspective, it may look as if I'm mismanaging things. But you don't know what I know or see what I see. If I pulled back the curtain to allow you to view heavenly realms, you would understand much  more. However, I have designed you to live by faith, not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7). I lovingly shield you from knowing the future or seeing into the spirit world. Acknowledge My sovereignty by giving thanks in all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:18).

Memory Monday

In an effort to memorize scripture throughout the year, I'm going to start posting a verse every Monday. I'm hoping others will want to join me in this so I can have some accountability too!

Why Memorize Scripture?

• It deepens our relationship with God. How do we build friendships? Spending time with someone. It's the same way with God. The more we are in His word the more we further our relationship with Him.
• It’s the number one tool for resisting sin.When Satan tempted Jesus in the wilderness, he used the Word of God as his defense. Scripture is the most powerful tool we have when tempted.
• It helps us to make wise decisions. The more you fill your mind with the Word of God, the more you will know the will of God. “Your word is a lamp to guide me and a light for my path” Psalm 119:105. 
• It strengthens during times of stress, sadness and trials. Scripture comforts you in time of need and reminds you God is always with us. “Remember your promise to me; it is my only hope. Your promise revives me; it comforts me in all my troubles” Psalm 119:49-50. 
• It helps witness to unbelievers.  If you have Scripture memorized, it’ll help you be far more effective in sharing because you can share the truth of God’s Word. “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect”.  1 Peter 3:15
• It aids us in our prayers. What better way to talk to God than to be familiar with the language of God through His Word

How to Memorize Scripture?

• Put it on an index card by your nightstand, bathroom mirror, fridge, car console or desk at work.
• Make it the background of your phone/computer.
• Practice writing it down and saying it out loud.
• Right click the verse below to copy the link or image to your blog.

Week 1:

In this verse, Jesus is telling us to let go of all our weariness and burdens and to come to Him. He desires to join with us and bear our burdens for us. It can be our own opinions, solutions, agenda or anything that holds us back from running without hindrance to His arms alone. What Jesus is offering in these verses isn't a removal of the work in our life. But, when we choose to share life with Jesus, the work we face is easier, the burden we carry is lighter and the yoke is not as hard. 

Yokes are used to attach a team of oxen together to plow a field or pull a heavy load. It wouldn't work with just one yoke, but there must be two to keep it balanced, with the stronger one in front. In the same way, Jesus wants us to join with Him so HE can carry our burdens. Why? Because Jesus offers us grace, mercy and peace where as the world tries to take them from us. He truly gives us rest, real rest, meaningful rest. Come to Him, you will find rest for your soul.

My First Tri

My First Tri. Triathlon. Not Trimester. I only wish!!

I competed in my first triathlon this morning and even better, I finished!!! That would not have been the case if I didn't have all the prayers and support!! God was totally me with me throughout the race.

It started off with a swim in 66 degree water. There are NO words to explain how cold that is. On top of that, you are starting with 50 other girls and being kicked in the face, while trying not to choke on cold lake water. Despite the circumstances, I was the 5th out of 56 girls to complete the swim! But, because of the frigid temperature, I had no feelings in my toes during the WHOLE rest of the race. It made the transition (changing into my bike gear) nearly impossible and didn't help with the bike or run either. My time for the 500M swim, 11M bike and 5K run was 1:22:07.

The highlights:

• Everyone I passed (or let's be honest, passed me) I shouted out "Good Job", "Keep it going", "You are doing great", etc! It made it so much more fun to encourage those around me.
• When I got home, a friend of a friend texted me to tell me that I placed, "Say whhaaat?". Apparently I got 3rd place. I was a little bummed we didn't stick around for the ceremony and to get my plaque, but I had never even thought of that as a possibility!

So, I get it now. Everyone told me I would be addicted. I understand why. Unfortunately, if my acupuncturist knew that I did a triathlon (especially in the freezing water), she would not be happy! So, I will not be doing one anytime soon, since I'm not supposed to workout too hard or be cold! So for now I will just be crossing it off the bucket list and sticking to my low key workouts!

Waiting to get started! Already numb from the cold. 

The course in the distance. Out to the orange ball, to the right and back around!

Getting ready to jump in and tread water!

Finishing the swim!

Finishing Lap 1 of the bike!

30 seconds after finishing! Swim. Bike. Run. Check

With my #1 Support!

Trust

Over the past few days I've been a little convicted over my thoughts/actions after receiving my latest blood results. This morning, the Jesus Calling devotional I read was just one more way God was teaching me about trust. There was a line that mentioned that we trust God when things go well, but not when things go bad.

Then I realized, I didn't do much praising when I found out my results. My prolactin made a HUGE change, which means I don't have to get more MRI's/have my tumor removed. Hallelujah! My thyroid levels dropped within a reasonable range. Those were both answers to prayer.

I'm glad that God is so patient with me. I would be so annoyed with myself if I were him! What if our future children only complained over the bad things we did for them and never thanked us for the good? It would get old. I have no doubt that this situation is the same way. Yet, He is a God of understanding, grace, and forgiveness. Thanks goodness!

So, today we are praising God for all He has done. For answering prayer and improving the results. Yes, the FSH isn't what we wanted, but, that's ok! It's just a number and God is much bigger than one number or one test. 

It's amazing how many times I forget God's truths and turn to dissapointment, instead of praise. Of course, it's ok to be upset. But, I believe God wants us to praise Him while we are going through these trials, not only after we get what we have asked for. I believe there is only ONE way to find peace in this broken world. It's not by medication, alcohol,  rebellion, or other sin. It won't come from our political leaders, friends, doctors, co-workers or husbands. It's through trusting God. He is the ONLY way we will find complete peace in situation like this. As much as we want a child, we are resting in the fact that He will bring us a child! And, while we wait, we continue to praise, worship and trust Him!

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. Romans 5:1-4

But I trust in you, Lord; I say, “You are my God. Psalm 31:1-4

Blood Results

I survived my blood test yesterday! The main reason is because I got a call from my ob about my pap smear results and the results were abnormal. Because of that, my mind was somewhere else, and thankfully not focused on the blood results.

Anyway, I just got back the results and even though some levels are much better (thyroid and prolactin), my FSH is even worse :( Tears.

TSH = 2.21
LH = 6.7
FSH = 11.6
Prolactin = 13

Also, due to the abnormal pap, I'll be getting a colposcopy this coming Monday. Prayers are appreciated!

Two Year Anniversary

I can't believe it's already been 2 years since we said "I do". C.J. and I have both taken the day off work tomorrow to celebrate our anniversary. We have never both had a day off together (besides weekends and holidays), so we are looking forward to an all-day date filled with lots of relaxation, good food, prayer, watching our wedding video, looking through pictures (previews below) and album (that I finally just finished) and just being together, with hopefully not a lot of other distractions! Highs and lows of Year 2 coming soon!

Our First Look

Ceremony

 

In the Photobooth

Goodnight!

4 is the new 3!

I just talked to my doctor, and she assured me that going in today (CD4, instead of CD3) wouldn't cause the hormone results to be even worse then they already are :) ! I'm going after work and my Dr. should have the results by Wednesday.

Thanks everyone for your response to my last posts! 

Hormone Testing Question

Does anybody know what I'm supposed to do if CD3 falls on a Sunday? Lovely AF came today and I didn't get a chance to call my doctor and ask. I'm wondering if I should just wait another month? Surely I'm not the only girl who has had this problem before :/

Commitment to Bloggers

The power of prayer has really been on my heart lately. I want to make a commitment to every blog I visit. Many times I visit a blog and due to the circumstance of the individual (bad doctor's reports, failed treatments  etc), I begin to pray for them. But what if I did this for every infertility blog I read, regardless of what the current circumstance was?

This world would probably be a much different place if we all prayed a little more. We are not on this journey alone, so we mine as well make the most of it and join together! If you have specific prayer requests that are not mentioned on your blog, please send them my way! Prayers for lots of baby dust for all my infertile friends out there!

I received a magazine in the mail today, and this verse was in it. How fitting!

Glorious Day

Being that yesterday was Easter, this is a little late. But, I love this song and had to share! Such a great song to celebrate our risen Savior! He has conquered everything. All sin. All death. All pain. All heart ache. And all infertility! What a glorious day!

Glorious Day
One day when Heaven was filled with His praises
One day when sin was as black as could be
Jesus came forth to be born of a virgin
Dwelt among men, my example is He
Word became flesh and the light shined among us
His glory revealed

Living, He loved me
Dying, He saved me
Buried, He carried my sins far away
Rising, He justified freely forever
One day He's coming
Oh glorious day, oh glorious day

One day they led Him up Calvary's mountain
One day they nailed Him to die on a tree
Suffering anguish, despised and rejected
Bearing our sins, my Redeemer is He
Hands that healed nations, stretched out on a tree
And took the nails for me

One day the grave could conceal Him no longer
One day the stone rolled away from the door
Then He arose, over death He had conquered
Now He's ascended, my Lord evermore
Death could not hold Him, the grave could not keep Him
From rising again

One day the trumpet will sound for His coming
One day the skies with His glories will shine
Wonderful day, my Beloved One, bringing
My Savior, Jesus, is mine

What To Pray In Your Toughest Times

Tim Dilena recently did a sermon on "What To Pray In Your Toughest Times". He spoke about the story of Job. Job was a wealthy man who dealt with many trials. He lost his wealth, health and his 10 children. Despite his difficult situation, Job never cursed God. Job’s story helps us remember to trust God during trials and remain faithful while we wait for a solution. No matter how severe the pain is, we should never think that God does not listen or does not care. God wants us to learn beyond what we can presently see. We learn from Job’s story that it is possible to endure even the most terrible test and God is always there with us though at times it feels like He is silent.

In Job's story, a lot was taken away. But, God is still God whether He is giving or taking away. It's easy to praise when He provides, but can we praise when he removes as well? Shouldn't we continue to praise Him despite how hard the trial is? I believe that God gives us the ability to get through the toughest seasons. He doesn't give us anything we can't handle. I have an index card on my nightstand with the verse below that I have been reading every morning.

In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 1 Peter 1:6-7

Every trial we face is a refining process. As an example, the only way to refine metal is to keep it in the heat. God does the same with us. When we are in the fire is when God molds us to who He wants us to become. It sometimes feels like it's all at once and that everything is crashing down around us; our faith, our health, our marriage, our job. A clay pot sitting on a shelf is still a pot, but once it's put into a fire, it become porcelain. It doesn't change on the shelf, but in the fire. We don't change by walking through life one day at a time with no trials. We change while we are in the trials.

So we know that going through the purpose of our trial is to refine us, but what we need to realize is that we won't always know all the other answers to "why". However, knowing why will not give us what we need. Instead of spending time figuring out "why" we should invest our time getting to know God more.

So what do you do and what do you pray during the toughest time of your life? Instead of turning away, seek Him. Seek to know Him. Read His word. Spend time talking to Him. Surround yourself in community. Find a church. There is more value in knowing Him deeper, than knowing the answer of "why" to every trial. Have faith and hope in what you are waiting for, because while you are praying for one thing, God is doing 10,000 to make it happen.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.- 2 Corinthians 12:9

"Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the Lord!" Psalm 27:14

Annual

I had my fun filled annual ob appointment yesterday. It was pretty uneventful, but my doctor did order another round of hormone tests, which I was grateful for. I'm going to go in on CD3 for them to check Prolactin, FSH, and my thyorid levels and on CD25 for Progesterone. These of course were all irregular last year, so I'm praying for better results this time.

Last year when I did this, I was freaking out before my appointment. I mean losing sleep knowing I would have to give blood. Silly, right? Well, I pass out whenever they draw blood and I absolute hate that feeling. However, after all my numbers came back irregular and had to give many more samples, I just kept telling myself this was all for the sake of having a child and it seemed to get better each time!

So..... I'm hoping I will have that same mindset this round!! Bring on the needles!

I Need You

A few weeks ago, C.J. and I attended a concert at a church in Dallas. The band was All Sons and Daughters, a Christian folk band from TN. I only knew a few of the songs, but we still decided to go and they were awesome! 

I've been listening to this song a ton. I think the reason I post so many songs and listen to so much Christian music is because while we wait, I think we should praise Him! And what better way to do that, then to sing to Him :) These lyrics are so simple, but are based on the fact that we need Him! Our life should be all for His glory! Go and listen, it will make you want to get up and dance!

Lord I find You in the seeking
Lord I find You in the doubt
And to know You is to love You
And to know so little else
I need You
Oh how I need You

Lord I find You in the morning
Lord I seek You everyday
Let my life be for Your glory
Woven in your threads of grace
I need You
Oh how I need You

Light glorious light
I will go where You shine
Break the dawn , crack the skies
Make the wave right before me
In Your light I will find
All I need, all I need is You

Jesus Calling #10

I love this Jesus Calling post. A great follow up to my last post about learning to give up control. We are complete in Him, and when we seek Him, He blesses us with the ultimate feeling of love and security. This world and the people in this world constantly change, but He is forever the same!

From God's perspective to us:

This is a time in your life when you must learn to let go: of loved ones, of possessions, of control. In order to let go of something that is precious to you, you need to rest in My Presence, where you are complete. Take time to bask in the Light of My Love. As you relax more and more, your grasping hand gradually opens up, releasing your prized possession into My care.

You can feel secure, even in the midst of cataclysmic changes, through awareness of My continually Presence. The One who never leaves you is the same One who never changes: I am the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8). As you release more and more things into My care, remember that I never let go of your hand. Herein lies your security, which no one and no circumstance can take from you.

For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. Isaiah 41:13

My Need for Control

Control. Something I definitely struggle with. I'm sure CJ, my friends, family, coworkers and anyone who meets me could attest to that fact.

Craig recently did a sermon on the Altar Ego covering 4 great topics, but the one that hit me the most was "My Need For Control".

There are two main things we try to control; people and circumstances. We feel as though we can control people. We try to micro manage, give silent treatment, manipulate, bribe, or even offer or withhold rewards. It could be with our spouse, our children, coworkers and even strangers. We also try to control circumstances. We want to look just right. We want to have the best house and yard.  We want to control our schedules and our future, our kids and their future.

Just like we try to control our circumstances, Abraham and Sarah tried to control theirs. God had promised them a baby, but when He didn't answer His promise immediately, Abraham and Sarah took control. They stepped over God's promise, and made the decision that Abraham would sleep with Hagar, the maidservant, so they could have a baby.

Now Sarai, Abram’s wife, had borne him no children. But she had an Egyptian slave named Hagar; so she said to Abram, “The Lord has kept me from having children. Go, sleep with my slave; perhaps I can build a family through her.” Abram agreed to what Sarai said. So after Abram had been living in Canaan ten years, Sarai his wife took her Egyptian slave Hagar and gave her to her husband to be his wife. He slept with Hagar, and she conceived. When she knew she was pregnant, she began to despise her mistress. Genesis 16:1-4

But, isn't this a perfect example of what we do as well? How many times do we get weary of waiting on God, and instead of turning to Him, we make our own decisions? So what are you trying to control?

Craig mentioned three great questions to ask when we are trying to control something.

1- Is it worth my concern?
So many of us are trying to control things that don't matter that much. Ask yourself, Does it really matter? Will it matter a day or a month or even a year from now? Does it matter if the kitchen is left a mess? Or what about if the dishes aren't clean? Or what about if your son goes to school without brushing his teeth? When you begin to recognize what doesn't matter, you can focus on what does matter.

2 - Is it mine to control
Sometimes it seems hard to find the balance between surrendering control vs. taking responsiblilty. It's hard when we have a tough decision to make and struggle with understanding what God's will is. So, if we know we can't control all circumstances, especially the future, the only thing we are left to do is be responsible and make good decisions in the present situations. Examples:

We can't change our spouse, but can pray for them, love them, support them.
We can't heal a loved one, but can pray for them, encourage them, offer medical advice and trust them to God.
We can't control the future, but can pray about it, seek wise counsel and make good decisions.

This verse is always a good reminder during times of stress or control of the future.

Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. James 4:13-14

3 - Is it for God alone?

What are you trying to control today that is not yours to control? Instead of being filled with anxiety, turn to the one who already knows! When we lay down what we think we want, God will give us what we ultimately need. When you try to control something you can't, you are anxious. When you give it to God, you are overwhelmed with peace.

We know we can't control everything in our situation, but we can make the most of it. We can make wise decisions about how we treat out bodies, so they would be made fertile. We can do our best to prepare for when we become parents. We can pray. But, in the midst of being responsible during our trial, ultimately we are leaving the control up to the One who already knows the plan!

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your 
hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phil 4:6-7

Never Once

I have been listening to this song, Never Once, a lot lately. It was no accident that this song was playing on Pandora when we read CJ's results the other day. The song is just what I needed to hear while feeling disappointed.

God is with us every step of the way. His power lives within us. He carries us with peace and grace. We will have struggles, but never once will we walk alone. He is faithful!

Never Once

Standing on this mountaintop
Looking just how far we've come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us

Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You've done
Knowing every victory
Is Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Carried by Your constant grace
Held within Your perfect peace
Never once, no, we never walk alone

Every step we are breathing in Your grace
Evermore we'll be breathing out Your praise
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

SA #4

I ended up calling the urologist on Friday to find out the results from C.J's sample on Wednesday. The lady I spoke with let me know there were 20,000 sperm.

I know most people would be extremely dissapointed with such a little number.

But, we were excited!! It's an improvement from 0, which were the results from his last SA. She said a few other things that I didn't quite catch and then mentioned she froze them. That was a little surprising, as it is very expensive to freeze and they never asked for our consent.

So, we were excited about the numbers. But then, we received the document in the mail yesterday restating the 20,000, but also pointing out they were all abnormal (bad morphology, motility). The disappointment started to kick in a little bit. There was also a note about the fact they had frozen them and we could proceed forward with IVF-ICSI.

Despite the abnormality of the sample, I had to keep remembering and praying that God is faithful. He knew that this sample would be 20,000. He knew they would be abnormal. He also already knows the timing of when we will conceive. He has our whole story in the palm of His hands.

I'm also reminded that our joy and hope is not in our circumstance, but instead our joy is based on our relationship with Christ. As Christians, we are called to be joyful in all circumstances. We can have emotions mixed with happiness and dissapointment, but at the end of the day our hope is in our Savior!

We are continuing to pray for better results. There is a 70-90 day cycle from when the sperm are created to when they would show up in a sample. So, this sample doesn't take into consideration the lifestyle changes or acupuncture. We have full hope that they numbers will continue to get better!

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Two months...

C.J. gave his sample yesterday, but since we didn't have an appointment we have to wait to receive the results in the mail. I have not been anxious about the wait, which has been nice. Even though the crazy wife in me wants to call the place today to see if we can get the numbers!!

On another note, it's already March, which means we are already 2 months into our lifestyle changes!! I can't believe how fast the year is flying by and to think just recently that C.J. was gone 6 months! So so so glad that stage of life is over :)

All the changes we have made have been going great. I'm still trying to adjust in my mind, both financially and time-wise. We spend so much time in the kitchen now; prepping, cooking and cleaning. And, I go to the grocery about 4-6 times a week! But, in all honestly, it's worth all the time and money.

Some changes we have noticed are:

• Both of us are feeling a lot better, especially C.J.
• Neither of us have had any problems with allergies (I assume it's from taking the Royal Jelly)
• I have only had 2 headaches in the past 2 months. That's down from about 3-5 per week!
• C.J. doesn't have his burping problem anymore. TMI, but he has had indigestion and burping problems for as long as I have known him. It doesn't gross me out, because not much does, but instead it's just extremely annoying. It's about 90% gone!!!

There has been nothing new with the acupuncture appointments, besides it being a wonderful time to be still and relax! I think she wants us to start taking some herbs soon, but we haven't bought any yet. I'll be sure to post when we get C.J's results back. I assume it won't be until Monday!

Doctor's Appointments

C.J. has an appointment to do SA #4 tomorrow. Since he didn't make an appointment with the urologist as well, we are not sure if we will have to wait to receive the results in the mail or if we will get them within the hour.

I made an appointment for the end of this month with my gyno. It's time for an annual check up, but really I'm more anxious to get my hormone levels all re-tested again (Day 3 and 20 of the following cycle). I can't believe it's been almost a year!

We are really hoping and praying for improved numbers for both of us! I will update more when we get results back...

Vitamin Cocktail Update

I have really enjoyed reading up on foods and vitamins that can help improve our health and fertility. Back in July, I made a post about vitamins that C.J. was taking, but since then we are both now taking a lot more so I thought I would give another update!

C.J
Multivitamin
Vitamin C-1000 with Rose Hips
Fishoil
Co-Enzyme Q-10
Acetyl L-Carnitine
Alpha Lipoci Acid
L-Carnitine
L-Arginine

Coconut Oil

C.Js Cocktail

C.N

Multivitamin

Fishoil
Co-Enzyme Q-10 

L-Arginine 

Evening Primerose Oil

Chasteberry 

B Vitamin Complex

Coconut Oil

Glucosamine

My cocktail

Supplements

Royal Jelly

Wheat Grass

Spirulina

Floradix (just C.N)

Supplements

Jesus Calling #9 and Comparison

A friend and I were talking the other day about how easy it is to get caught up in comparing ourselves to those around us. It happens all the time! I think all we are doing when we choose to compare, is setting ourselves up for failure.

There will always be someone prettier, smarter, richer, nicer.
There will always be someone who has a much easier life.
There will always be someone who has a better family and better relationships with friends.
There will always be someone who has a better job.

And of course....

There will always be someone who got pregnant and wasn't even trying.
There will always be someone who didn't have to go to any fertility appointments
There will always be someone who didn't have to track their temperature
There will always be someone who didn't have to eat or avoid certain foods
There will always be someone who didn't have to take medications and vitamins
There will always be someone who didn't have to do acupuncture or fertility treatments
There will always be someone who didn't have any failed pregnancy tests

The list goes on and on.

That same night after the conversation with my friend, I came across this while doing my bible study. It was just what I needed to hear! A reminder that comparing robs us from all the things God has blessed us with.

And then the following morning after I had the conversation with my friend and read the above quote in my bible study, I opened my Jesus Calling book and read this:

Stop judging and evaluating yourself, for this is not your role. Above all, stop comparing yourself with other people. This produces feelings of pride or inferiority; sometimes, a mixture of both. I lead each of My children along a path that is uniquely tailor-made for him or her. Comparing is not only wrong; it is also meaningless.

Don't look for affirmation in the wrong places: your own evaluations or those of other people. The only source of real affirmation is My unconditional Love. Many believers perceive Me as an unpleasable Judge, angrily searching out their faults and failures. Nothing could be farther from the truth  I died for your sins, so that I might clothe you in My garments of salvation (Isaiah 61:10). This is how I see you: radiant in My robe of righteousness (Isaiah 61:10). When I discipline you, it is never in anger or disgust; it is to prepare you for face-to-face fellowship with Me throughout all eternity. Immerse yourself in My loving Presence.  Be receptive to My affirmation, which flows continually from the throne of grace.

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. - Luke 6:37

My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline, and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in. - Proverbs 3:11-12

I am slowly gathering that God is trying to remind me how blessed I am. We can constantly compare and we will be disappointed and frustrated every time. I'm honestly not sure how to avoid the issue of comparison, besides just resting in God's truths over our lives. My hope and identity must be found in Him. This isn't easy, but when we put our hope in the world, we become disappointed. When we put our hope in God, we are overwhelmed with love and joy. Even though I will fail, I choose to find my identity and hope in Christ!

Why Bother?

I'm way behind in posting some things, but this is a follow up to the sermon I posted a few weeks ago called Sun Stand Still.

While Jesus was still speaking, some people came from the house of Jairus, the synagogue leader. “Your daughter is dead,” they said. “Why bother the teacher anymore?” Overhearing what they said, Jesus told him,“Don’t be afraid; just believe.” He did not let anyone follow him except Peter, James and John the brother of James. When they came to the home of the synagogue leader, Jesus saw a commotion, with people crying and wailing loudly. He went in and said to them, “Why all this commotion and wailing? The child is not dead but asleep.” But they laughed at him. After he put them all out, he took the child’s father and mother and the disciples who were with him, and went in where the child was. He took her by the hand and said to her, “Talitha koum!” (which means“Little girl, I say to you, get up!”). Immediately the girl stood up and began to walk around (she was twelve years old). At this they were completely astonished. Mark 5:35-43

Prior to these verses (starting in verse 21) Jairus asks Jesus to heal his dying daughter. Jesus agrees, but while they are on the way to the house, another woman cuts in front of Jairus to ask Jesus for healing as well. Starting in verse 35, after the healing of the other lady, the message was delivered to Jarius that his daughter was dead. At this point, Jarius feels hopeless with the distraction of the lady and the bad news of his daughter. After hearing the bad news he asks why he should even bother Jesus anymore.

Isn't that a question we can easily all ask? Why bother asking God to make my marriage better, when my spouse doesn't treat me well? Or why bother giving to the church, when I just lost my job? Or why bother praying for my kids, when they are so caught up in drugs it feels like there is no hope? Or in our case, Why bother praying for a miracle child when doctors have given us little hope?

Sometimes when we pray Sun Stand still prayers it seems the skies just seem to get a little darker. Our prayers go unanswered, and we feel as though God isn't even there. When God says all things are possible, Satan whispers "why bother"? Or maybe like Jarius, we receive a promise from God, and then while God is in the process of doing His miracle, we get distracted with fear, doubt or maybe just an interruption by another circumstance.

In verse 36, after Jesus overheard the report of the daughter dying, Jesus told Jarius, "Don't be afraid; just believe." As the story continues, Jarius kept his mouth quiet and decided to trust God. The story ends when they go back to the house with Peter, James, and John, and Jesus resurrects Jarius daughter, just as He had promised.

Isn't this what we need to do? Just ignore the fear and voices within us. Ignore the negative comments from doctors or even discouraging words from friends and family. Instead of living in fear, live in faith and believe. There are plenty of scriptures and stories in the bible where Jesus and the disciples could have said ''why bother?'', but instead they kept on believing. For our journey, I have been so hopeful and strong, trusting Jesus would answer our Sun Stand Still prayer, but recently fear and doubt crept in and instead I asked ''why bother?''

What we need to remember is even when the sun goes down and there are interruptions to our Sun Stand still prayer, God continues to be the light. We need to remember to keep the promises from God at the center of our minds and not let fear and doubt creep in. We need to realize that Jesus doesn't see our situation the way we see it. And, even though our circumstances aren't always 100%, it doesn't mean our faith can't be. While we just want the end result, a baby, we need to remember God is doing 10,000 little things that we aren't aware of to make our miracle happen. So, instead of asking "why bother?'' we are going to say "just believe."

RA #3

C.J. and I had our 3rd appointment with our RA (Reproductive Acupuncturist). So far, so good. The actual treatments are so uneventful and painless. I was a little naive and was picturing painful and huge needles all over our bodies, but that hasn't been the case. Also, it forces us to sit still for 30 minutes with no distractions and rest, so it has been a nice (and expensive) way to relax.

We have been overly impressed by our RA and her dedication to our journey. She is doing a lot of research on our 'issues' and even reached out to one of the main acupuncture doctors for male infertility. She said protocol for new patients is to be treated 2 X week for 12 weeks, but she feels since we are so healthy and have made a lot of changes she suggested that we come 2 X week for 6 weeks. We are probably going to spread out the treatments a little more than that, but after the initial 12 treatments are over we will both get tested again to see if there are any improvements. We are really praying that God uses her knowledge and wisdom to continue the healing process of our bodies and become fertile again :)

Mini-Meltodown Saturday

I had a mini meltdown yesterday. I won't go into details as to what spurred it on, but it was the second time I've been mad at God since we initially received all the bad news, almost a year ago. The first time I had anger was when our doctor called me at work and told us the bad results of both mine and C.J's test. C.J came to pick me up at work and I cried the whole way home and said a lot of irrational things.

Thankfully that night we were able to pray and get into the word together and ever since then God has enabled me to have a positive attitude

Until last night. Within minutes of me being upset C.J. knows that I am not myself. He is so patient, always quick to listen, slow to speak and won't leave my side until we have resolved any problems. After sharing my concerns about this road of infertility we are on and having a pity party, he reminded me that I had lost hold of the truth and was being attacked by Satan.

After snapping out of it and deciding to be more rational, I remembered that life is not fair. And, you know, I'm glad it's not! If life were fair, we would receive death on the cross. If life were fair, we wouldn't have all the blessings we have been given. We wouldn't both have wonderful jobs, be financial stable, have a wonderful marriage, awesome friends and family, a roof over our heads and an amazing church community.

We deserve none of these things. And in addition to what we already have we certainly don't deserve to have kids of our own. But, God loves us so much that he died for us and cleansed our sins so we can receive all His marvelous blessings.

I'm thankful that C.J. was able to make me aware of reality and put the situation back into perspective. He reminds me that we are on this journey for a reason. And the best part about being married to Him is I always get glimpses of the unconditional love Christ has for us. The same love that I posted about a few days ago. I believe that is what marriage is all about. Seeing God's glory reflecting in your relationship.

Update: I had written all that before church, and now that we are back home, I am just in awe of how God works. The sermon today was on God's grace. How perfect! And, it happen to be the same scriptures that C.J. and I were teaching on tonight at small group (Galations 1), even better!

One of the lines of lyrics in a song we sang were "Grace that is greater than all our sin". This is the exact grace God gave me last night. When I wanted to get angry and upset and doubt everything He has been teaching me over the past year, he reminds me of his grace. The undeserved favor He has already blessed us immensely with. The same grace that is bigger than all our sin.

Paul spoke in Galations 1 about God's grace. And, I was reminded last night and again this morning that God is using our story for His specific purposes. He set us apart while we were in our mothers' wombs and He desires to show Jesus off in us.

Because I'm human, I know I will have more meltdowns in the future. But, I'm thankful to have unconditional love and grace from both my heavenly father and my wonderful husband.

One Thing Remains

It's Valentine's Day. People have so many views about this holiday. Some people love it, it seems like more and more these days, most people don't really care or want to celebrate it. But, today for me, it's been a day to reflect on God's love for us.

This song, One Thing Remains, is about God's steadfast love for us. The lyrics are a direct reflection of Psalm 136 and so many other verses. Psalm 136 is a reminder of God's enduring love that will always remain. The Psalm repeats 'His Love Endures Forever' 26 times. Amazing.

Today I'm remembering that His love never fails. His love never gives up. His love never runs out. It never stops. It never wavers. It never changes. It never has faults. His love always remains! Amen!

One Thing Remains Lyrics
Higher than the mountains that I face
Stronger than the power of the grave
Constant in the trial and the change

One thing remains

Your love never fails
It never gives up
It never runs out on me

Because on and on and on and on it goes
It overwhelms and satisfies my soul
And i'll never, ever, have to be afraid

One thing remains

In death
In life
I'm confident and covered by the Power of Your great love

My dept is paid
There is nothing that can separate
My heart from Your great love


It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 1 Corinthians 13:7-8

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:17-19

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. Ephesians 3:20-21

Practical Paleo

Some of our friends have been so supportive on our infertility journey. It's when you go through hard times that you realize who your true friends are. One of mine was so kind to surprise me by sending this book in the mail. When she was in town over Christmas, we hung out and I told her about some of the lifestyle changes we wanted to make, and surprise, this book shows up. So thoughtful and generous! I have mentioned her before as she was one of my friends who sent this awesome sermon at the beginning of our journey, which eventually got me addicted to the Brooklyn Tabernacle sermons!

Anyway, this book is awesome. I know so many people love the Paleo diet, and I will go ahead and say that I don't agree with a lot of the theories of the diet, but I think it has some great ideas. A lot of the Paleo diet actually contradicts what a typical "fertility" diet should be.

But, even so, I love this book because it does a great job of really understanding how to approach our health in a natural way. Half of the book is about our health, and the other half is recipes. So far we have tried the pumpkin pancakes and they were easy and delicious :) The book also gives meal plans and suggestions for many different diseases or disorders, including autoimmune, gut issues, gluten-free, blood sugar, thyroid, cancer, etc. When we read up on and were told that we had to start buying top line protein, this book was perfect at explaining how to buy the healthiest chicken, beef, and eggs. Overall, it's just a great book of how to be and eat healthy.

If you get a chance, check out this book, especially if you follow the Paleo diet!

Jesus Calling #8

Love this recent devotional from Jesus Calling. God is training us while we wait. Nothing He does is considered wasted time and even though He hasn't answered our prayers yet, He is refining us and teaching us so much while we continue to wait. Praise Him!

I am able to do far beyond all that you ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20-21). Come to Me with positive expectations knowing that there is no limit to what I can accomplish. Ask My Spirit to control your mind, so that you can think great thoughts of Me. Do not be discouraged by the fact that many of your prayers are yet unanswered. Time is a trainer, teaching you to wait upon Me, to trust Me in the dark. The more extreme your circumstances, the more likely you are to see My Power and Glory (Revelations 5:13) at work in the situation. Instead of letting difficulties draw you into worrying, try to view them as setting the scene for My glorious intervention. Keep your eyes and your mind wide open to all that I am doing in your life.

One month

It's been one month of no gluten, refined sugar, caffeine, alcohol or artificial sweetener

For the most part, it hasn't been too hard of a change. Sometimes it can be difficult when the people around me drink and eat whatever they want. But, thinking about how overboard I went with my intake of everything listed above prior to giving them up, I think this change was long overdue.

C.J. has made huge changes too! He went from making sugar his #1 source of food (ok, a little exaggeration) to only having dessert a few times a week. The only time he really eats gluten is if he goes out to eat for lunch and I think he has only had 2 beers over the past month. He said he has been feeling a lot better too! Win!

I know and was recently reminded at our appointment that it is all about moderation. Unfortunately, sometimes for me black and white is easier than grey. I will probably introduce a beverage on special occasions, but am going to definitely try to stick to the no sugar and gluten. Again, we know that just because we make these changes doesn't mean it will make us pregnant. But, our hearts desire is to glorify Him in all we do and we believe the changes we have made are allowing us to treat our bodies how God intended to.

Vicious Cycles

TMI (Too Much Information) alert. CD (Cycle Day 1) started today. Meaning I'm not pregnant. Accompanied by no sleep, cramps and a headache. Oh the joys.

But, as upset as I was this morning, I'm gently reminded of these truths:

God already knows when we will conceive. He loves us so much that He chose us in him before the creation of the world - Ephesians 1:4. And, He chose us all for His joy. I love that! He knows every minute of our lives. How many more vicious cycles I will have. How many sperm C.J will produce. What my hormone levels are on a a daily basis. He even knows the very hairs of your head are all numbered - Luke 12:7

Ultimately, we are praying for a miracle, the all natural way. When we whole-heatedly seek and cry out to Him, he hears us-whatever we ask-we know that we have what we asked of him - John 5:14-15. 

For, he knows the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future - Jeremiah 29:11. He intends good things for us and although we may suffer through trials, we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose - Romans 8:28.  We are so excited to see these plans unfold.

We have no doubt we will look back on this journey and everything will make complete sense and will blow us away as He will do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us Ephesians 3:20. When we pray one thing, he does 10,000 things to make it happen. Nothing He is doing is considered wasted time as He is sovereign over all delays. It may seem slow in coming, but wait for it; it will certainly take place, and it will not be delayed - Habakkuk 2:3

I know as these cycles keep coming, it's going to get harder and harder. So thankful that the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles  they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint - Isaiah 40:31. And at this time, even though it's our desire to have children, For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; ...  Ecclesiastes 3:1-22

We are going to rest in these truths as we continue to wait!

RA #1

We had our first appointment with our RA (Reproductive Acupuncturist). Everything went well and much of what we discussed is the same stuff I had already been researching online and reading in the Infertily Cure book, which I mentioned in one of my recent posts. We went over our general TTC history and our general health, before talking about diet, exercise and vitamins.

Vitamins - She was very impressed with the vitamin cocktail I had researched for C.J. This was a relief to hear, as I was hoping he wasn't taking anything that would have a negative effect on his body. I'm glad he started taking them almost 6 months ago as it is a 70-90 day cycle for new sperm. So, the changes we make today, we wont notice for 2.5 - 3 months. We discussed the Royal Jelly, Wheat Grass, Gluten-Free and the other lifestyle changes we have both made and she was on board with everything. She suggested another sperm analysis for baseline numbers.C.J and I still need to discuss this more. Since insurance doesn't pay for it, I almost want to just wait and get one in a few months, but we will see.

Meat - Another thing I've been reading a lot about lately is meat and dairy. As I suspected, she recommended an all pasture-raised chicken and egg diet. And for beef, all 100% organic grass-fed. We made this change as of last week, and let me just say that it's a hard transition financially. Going from being able to find chicken for $2/pound to spending $7/pound is a huge difference. But, we are thankful to have several health food stores within miles of our house that carry these products and after reading and learning, we realize how important it is to buy the highest ranked meat. She confirmed that the amount of hormones that are in commercial chicken are so bad for our bodies. So, C.J and I discussed that we would be creative with our meals and find other things to eat besides chicken all the time (sad face). I'm not a huge fan of beef, but I'm willing to eat it and already had some this week. Maybe the expensive prices will encourage us to watch our portion sizes too :)

Dairy - As far as eating dairy while trying to get pregnant, they want you to limit the amount you eat, and only eat 100% full-fat organic. This was another change I knew was coming, but haven't done it yet. We have been eating a lot of fat-free, plain yogurt. She said I could still have some dairy in moderation, but make sure it's organic and fully fat loaded!

Cold/Raw Foods - I shouldn't be eating any cold or raw foods, another thing I have been reading up on and been told, but have been in denial about. Everything should be cooked and room temperature  The reason? Otherwise our body spends too much energy breaking down the food and not enough energy working on the reproductive system. And yes, there are certain foods that are considered "warming" and "cooling" foods. I haven't made the change to not eat those yet, but that will be my next step. And, huge bummer about no raw foods as I LOVE raw veggies. It makes my mouth water as I type. Going forward they will all have to be steamed or sauteed.

New items - Her #1 recommendation that is a must, was eating Congee for breakfast. Apparently this is very important in the acupuncture and fertility world. Who knew?! Again, not a fan of rice, but I'll do whatever it takes. In addition, she recommended Floradix, an iron supplement. I bought it online last night for $30/bottle and it should be here soon.

Books -The Infertility Cure book I got from the library was her top choice for the best fertility related book and also mentioned Making Babies. I have reserved a copy at the library for that book!

Other Ramblings - So, she said we are 100% on the right track with all the changes we have already made. We are going to need to be creative with recipes and snack ideas, especially after I cut out the dairy and some of the cooling foods. She confirmed how bad sugar is for sperm (well, I made sure to ask her so C.J. would hear it from someone else other than me). But, other than that we have already made the diet-related changes necessary.

Next up - We get our first treatment on Saturday, the 9th. At that time she will go into more detail with us about all our paperwork. She said she spends hours researching "our" case since each person and couple is so different and will have more suggestions at our next meeting as far as foods and herbs. I will bring my BBT charts with me and each time and we will discuss any other symptoms I'm having (My knee pains, Carpel Tunnel, Disembarkment syndrome) just to name a few :) She said I will definitely notice changes in my cycles as we begin treatments, so I'm excited to see. (No more cramps, yes please)!!!!

My wonderful husband - C.J. has been so supportive and 100% on board with all the changes. No longer is sugar his main food group, but he has made every effort to eat healthy and help me with all the meals and changes. He has been so supportive through all of this!

The really important stuff - When we drove home C.J. and I got to discuss how this isn't about what we eat or don't eat. It's not about what needles she puts in us and in what location of our bodies she puts them. Ultimately, we believe God is our healer. Right now, He is leading us to seek things holistically. He is providing us the finances to buy the foods and do the treatments. He is providing us the RA who will guide us with our treatments and give us wisdom on our diets. But, the lifestyle changes and the acupuncture aren't what will bring us a baby. It's Him. We got to pray together after and our hope is that we can use our situation to bring all glory to Him, and one day, we will be able to show off our baby(ies) and tell the world what a miracle He has blessed us with. To Him be the glory!